I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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