If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
