True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
