Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
