Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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