He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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