Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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