yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
