wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
