Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
