im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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