Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
