I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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