why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
