dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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