Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
