please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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