Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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