you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
