How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
