No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
