Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
