I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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