I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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