You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
