guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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