They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
