i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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