He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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