Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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