I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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