We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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