Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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