During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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