hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
