I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
