Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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