I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
