mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
