How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
