"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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