You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
