Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
