My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
