We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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