What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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