Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
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looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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