So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
