Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize