I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
My ATM looks so different sober.
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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