We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
