i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
