I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
