i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
