is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
