apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm passing your future prison.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
