Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I am midnight drunk by noon
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
