ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
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You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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