She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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