i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
