the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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