My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
please come you make the beer taste better
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
