I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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