I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
