im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
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I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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