he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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