If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
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I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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