Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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