You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I CAN MOONWALK!
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
